Lovely Pad Thai I made yesterday

This was fucking yummy I tells ya. Man I love thai and chinese food.

Since I've been pigging out on deep fry dishes with thick tempura coating I thew my colosterol levels a bone and used a nice Tilapia fillet as the main protein.

Poach some julienned dikon radish, sliced ginder, a stalk of lemon grass, some Shiitake mushrooms and chopped scalion onions, stalk of celery, 1-2 large red mild chilis, and caremelised garlic cloves. Then heat your wok to jet engine hot and stir fry for 30 seconds and set aside in seperate bowls. If you want some more umph mash a couple garlic cloves with 2 "rat food" thai chilis in a mortar and brown that in some oil and blend in.

Slice a tilapia fillet into strips, dry of in dry flour so the batter will stick better, then coat in tempura mix, stir fry in lots of oil so hot it's about to combust into flames.

Combine all poached veggies, heat 2-4 tbs of grapeseed/peanut oil until smoking, dump in veggies, tip wok to reach flames and stir at the edges inwards into the wok to get flames, don't piss yourself, you want HUGE flames, keep it up as long as you can, when flames die tip the wok into the gass flame and use your spatula to sorta pull the flame into the wok and it should flame up again, keep doing that into the oil is gone and no more flames spark, this is what your thai/chinese are missing and why they never taste right, this is what's called "wok hei", the breath of the wok and it gives your dish this delicious smoky flavour, this is imperative to get that real restaurent taste. Now we want a little taste of cat food so sprinkle 2 tbs of fish sauce, don't worry about the smell of public urinary it won't show in the dish but add some lovely umani taste. If you absolutely can't stand fish sauce add some soya and a pinch or two of MSG salt. (No it won't kill you, it's produced by your body allready, without monosodium glutamate (MSG) in your body you will keel over and die, your taste receptors have cells specifically designed to taste MSG, MSG is present in vegetables like tomatos, in meat, in tofu, in soya, in mushrooms and lots of other things and you'r still alive, so tell the health hippies spouting of scaremonger shit to go kill themselves.)

Cook some jasmin rice and setup on serving plate, drizzle generours sprinkling of mung been sprouts, add a couple greem lemon slices and serve.

YUM!

For making easy tempura, just buy some premixed tempura flour. To prepare mix in water with a chopstick or end of a spoon, you don't want a smooth mix you want it lumpy and ugly as fuck about the density of pancake batter, those lumps will sweel up when fried and add extra crisp.
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